Bullying is currently one of the main factors why most children and teenagers question their self-worth. That is because being bullied and repetitively getting bullied over the same thing changes the way we see ourselves. Often, we lose the confidence we have built over the years due to the toxic trait that this particular bully and a toxic person has been showing to you.
Once this kind of treatment prolonged, we will end up thinking that we are not good enough to be part of a group, or maybe we are a failure that we do not event deserve our family and friends. This will also lead us not to believe those who try to lift our moods because the damage that your toxic friends have caused you was already massive enough to lose your trust in yourself and other people.
Being bullied can also eventually make you question the good things in you, and it moves you away from the people who understand you. Bullying does change you, and it already evolved as this does not only occurs to children but in some workplaces, too.
But this kind of relationship should not make you forget your worth as a human. You must also realize how healthy relationships can contribute to happy and healthy aging. That way, you will be brave enough to learn how to deal with them.
1. What is Bullying?
According to stopbullying.gov, Bullying is “unwanted, aggressive behaviour among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behaviour is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.”
This does not only involve physical and verbal abuse, but the toxic trait can also cause long-term emotional and mental damage, which can lead the bullied to develop mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic disorder.
Bullying is not a once in a lifetime abuse, instead, a toxic person or your toxic friends purposely hurt you more than once and over and over again.
There are two most common bullying which can contribute damage to other aspects of someone’s life, and it is divided into physical and emotional bullying.
Physical bullying can be in the form of hitting, fighting, tripping, showing rude gestures, taking someone else’s things, breaking their things, pushing, and shoving. Meanwhile, emotional bullying includes yelling, name-calling, making fun of someone, leaving people on purpose, laughing at someone, starting rumours, and sending degrading messages.
While it is most common in school, bullying can also take place now anywhere most, especially when there are bullies in the workplace.
Aside from the aforementioned types of bullying, cyberbullying is also common these days as most teens are now using the internet, with some even using the technology to hurt or harm someone online.
Any of these can affect everyone in different ways. But this kind of trait can make an individual or other people feel low whenever a certain toxic person or the bullies in the workplace try to harm them.
If your toxic friends have bullied you, they can affect you by:
- Making you feel guilty over something you never caused a fuss on. A toxic person tends to put the blame on kind people like you so they can save themselves and let you suffer for them.
- They can make you feel hopeless and stuck with their toxic trait, and they find it more interesting when you show emotional weakness to them.
- Once you are bullied, you will feel as if you are alone, and no one is brave enough to stand for you.
- It can make you see yourself as someone not good enough to fit in. This can also lead you to isolate yourself from anyone else, even to your family.
- Though there are some people who are not neglecting you, you will feel like as if they are setting you aside now.
- You are feeling unsafe and afraid most of the time since you fear that something is about to happen again.
Meanwhile, bullying at work can make you feel intimated in anything since these bullies in the workplace have a toxic trait that will prevent you from attending meetings, going into the lunchroom, or even attending to most of your company’s functions and events for employees.
In 2017 National Survey on Bullying, workplace bullying “was defined as repeated mistreatment of an employee by one or more employees; abusive conduct that is: threatening, humiliating, or intimidating, work sabotage, or verbal abuse.”
If all these happened, still happening, to you, this is the right time to know why your toxic friends have to do that and know how to deal with them.
2. Why Do They Bully Other People?
The reason behind a toxic person’s toxic trait varies among the bullies. But most of the time, bullying — most especially the bullies in the workplace — takes place because a toxic person wants to dominate other people so that they can improve their so-called “social status”.
They think that, when they are above anyone else, they can control and manipulate them as long as they want and through the ways they know. But their toxic trait is not a sign of bravery at all. Instead, it is a sign that they have low self-esteem, so they use their toxic trait instead to show their “fake” dominance over other people.
Some of your toxic friends might not also be aware that they are already bullying you or someone already.
This is because some bullies fail to recognize and acknowledge their behaviour toward other people, so they keep on doing the same thing over and over again without realizing that they are already causing distress and anxiety to other people.
Moreover, a toxic person may only bully someone sometimes, specifically when they are feeling angry or frustrated over something. If you can notice, people tend to lose their temper and tend to blurt out hurtful words without noticing that they are already saying something under the belt. Their negative feelings also lead them to search for someone to whom they can vent their feelings.
But the saddest reason they might have is that they, too, were a victim of bullying themselves. Some bullies who are well-built uses their body to bully someone so that they can make themselves look tough and string. Some use their thoughtless words to harm people.
But whatever their means to show their toxic trait, it is important to know that a toxic person is more likely to have lifelong mental and social health issues like depression, anxiety, and aggression.
Believe it or not, they can still prevent such damage from occurring, and there are some ways you follow in dealing with them.
3. What To Do With The Bullies
When you feel like you are already hopeless since your toxic friends or bullies surround you in the workplace, know that you can do something to safeguard yourself while helping them to be better at the same time.
Even actor Tom Hiddleston believes that he said before that, “When people don’t like themselves very much, they have to make up for it. The classic bully was actually a victim first”.
Since a toxic person might once be bullied as well, they tend to unleash their emotions but not in the right way. If you want to change your toxic friends’ behaviour, you should practice personal courage first so you can be sure that you can deal with them by showing them that you are not an easy target.
Because if you look like one, the bully will not go away from you, and it will just encourage them to pester you more. You should also stop tolerating a toxic person’s behaviour by standing for yourself.
But if you think you need more time to learn that, here are the following tips to deal with them while you are learning to stand for yourself.
Do not tolerate them. As we mentioned, you should exercise the way you should talk to the bully to stop their behaviour. You can practice saying it to yourself or a trusted friend, so you can be more comfortable and confident once you try to respond to them.
However, you should keep in mind that you should use the right words to avoid triggering their toxic trait. Instead of telling them, they are mean, you can tell the toxic person of what exactly their behaviour is and how it is impacting your life.
After all, you have the right to be free from any mental, emotional, and physical violence that they are causing.
PT blogger Amy Cooper Hakim tells us, “Bullies lose their power if you don’t cover. Deep down, they doubt they deserve your respect. They admire you for speaking with self-assurance and confidence. So when they bombard, don’t counterpunch. Rather, win them over with your strong, firm, courteous demeanour.“
Stay your connections up. While you are experiencing this kind of abuse, you should seek support and help so you will not develop any mental or emotional distress caused by toxic trait Your family and friends will surely make you feel that you are not alone, and you are good enough.
If you have been feeling isolated and powerless due to your toxic friends, maybe it is time for you to protect yourself with the help of other people.
If you are being bullied by the bullies in the workplace, you can tell the human resource department about this since all companies have designed their own response whenever something like bullying happens. They can also give that toxic person a sanction in accordance with their behaviour.
You should learn how to act quickly whenever they are about to bully you again. Most of the time, the longer the time a toxic person gets a hold of you, the more powerful they think they are. In the end, they will hold you even tighter and manipulate you twice as they used to.
If you refuse to tell what is happening to an adult or to someone who has power, you are just letting the aggression to worsen.
If you are being bullied online, you can block the hate messages by blocking its sender. If possible, you can avoid them yourself by deactivating your social networking site account or taking a break for a while. Once the bullying turns into threats or something that calls harm to yourself, you can report it to the police so they can track the IP address of the sender or the website.
Do not blame yourself for their toxic trait. It is not your fault that they end up like that. No matter what the toxic person tells you, you should not forget who you really are and that you are worthy. The bully and their toxic trait is the problem, not you. Remember that there are many wonderful things about you and you are enough.
Do not seek revenge. As much as possible, you should not be a bully yourself. You are more than that, and if you will just give them back what they are giving you, it is not a good idea since they will just notice you more if you get into their nerves.
Prevent communication with them. If you can cut ties with them, do it. There is nothing wrong with taking a break or from running away if you only want to protect your physical, mental, and emotional health.
You must remember that most of the bullies have closed minds, and no matter what you tell them, if they are not willing to change their attitudes, they will remain toxic for the rest of their lives and it is not your problem anymore. This time, you should not be reluctant to give yourself the peace you deserve.