Toxic Positivity: How You Can Love Yourself Truly While Growing Healthy

Toxic Positivity: How You Can Love Yourself Truly While Growing Healthy

People always want to start their days with a positive quote from a random personality or popular figure. They tend to do it so since they want a mantra which they can follow throughout the day.

Looking at the brighter side seem to be the only way to show how much you love yourself, but let me warn you: not all positivities can bring a positive effect to your life.

Being positive sometimes may be essential, but toxic positivity is something you should avoid.

As the words say, toxic positivity is a way of seeing things positively but we are unaware that it is even a toxic move.

The concept of it is thinking that you are growing healthy and every little thing you do is positive enough to establish your life.

However, everything becomes toxic when you totally focus on positive thoughts and rejecting anything that will trigger those negative emotions a person should typically be feeling.

While it is essential to stay positive, toxic positivity happens when you ignore or shrug off negative vibes and unpleasant emotions. If you fail to notice them, you are just making them even bigger.

As they remain unprocessed and unnoticed, those emotions will become bigger and bigger until they are too much not to be noticed and too hard to be resolved.

When you let toxic positivity reign in your life, you are losing your chance to give yourself relate to what others are going through right now. If that is the case, it can make you look less approachable and not relatable at all, causing them to lose interest in your existence.

Accepting negativities, of course, can definitely make us feel bad about it.

But facing the emotions you are most afraid about will teach you how to cope with it until you can handle it while eliminating its occurrence little by little.

After all, bringing your burdens off your shoulders and chest is way easier than pretending like everything is still okay and not falling apart.

Our emotions are not there to scare us or harm us. Instead, they occur to give us hints on how our brains would like to respond to the events happening around us. It is not always about looking at the silver linings in life. If you want to learn how to truly love yourself, you should know that your human brain does not work that way.

To help you out, we will teach you the simple things you can do to love yourself without practicing toxic positivity.

But before you can continue, you can read “How Emotional Intelligence Plays HUGE Role In Healthy Relationships” to know more about emotional intelligence which you can also apply to yourself. In that write-up, you will discover how EQ is more important than IQ, and how low emotional intelligence can affect your healthy relationships as well as your other social relationships.


1. Understand Yourself

2. Open Your Heart

3. Be Grateful

1. Understand Yourself

Understand Yourself

Growing healthy means choosing to love yourself first. And in order to do that, you must talk to yourself first so you can be able to understand what is going through your mind. There is so much advice our families and friends have to offer. However, you should realize that your life is your life, not theirs. Your life is something only you can manage and understand — your actions, words, and everything that is happening around you.

When it comes with understanding yourself, your thoughts are the only things that matter. The way you do that explains how much you take care and love yourself healthily. If there are types of relationships that will need you to consult other people first, in this one, you need to love yourself first by listening and understanding yourself through ups and downs. If you are happy, sad, angry, or frustrated, you should learn how to manage yourself and those feelings without depending on anyone else.

You see, when you begin to love yourself, growing healthy will never be a problem anymore. Your own senses will send you signals that can surely help you get through with anything. Once you learned to do that, you will see more as you take notice of everything you do and everyone around you. You will also learn that little by little, those things that are once blurry to you will finally be more apparent.

To start understanding yourself, you might do the following tips every day:

  • Give yourself a good rest. I know you are aware that your brain cannot work correctly if your body is too exhausted to translate the signal. So taking a break to shoo away toxic positivity out of your life is a must. You can have a ten-minute break whenever you accomplish something, or you can achieve that 8-hour sleep every night.
  • Give yourself a treat by eating healthy. You can refer to our articles titled “5 Healthy Diet Tips That Can Boost Your Immunity During Coronavirus Outbreak” and “7 Healthy Foods For All Diet Types That Can Help You Add MORE Weight” to get some tips about healthy eating.
  • Taking a break is essential most especially when you want to offer yourself some space to boost your spiritual aspect. For another set of tips, you can read “Stress Management: Here’s How You Can Deal With Work Burnouts”. This one primarily tackles taking a break from work. In this article, you will learn how to manage your stress and the things you should to regain your balance once again.
  • Exercise regularly. To love yourself is to take care of your physical aspects. Make sure you dedicate a few minutes of your day getting active.

According to Vitae Realising The Potential of Researchers’ website, you should understand yourself bu realizing your talents. And you can do it by asking:

  • Think about significant points of achievement or challenge in your life to date
  • Why are they significant?
  • What have you learned from them, and how might they influence the type of career path you pursue?

2. Open Your Heart

Open Your Heart

If you want to love yourself, you must learn to open up yourself first. Accepting that you are not perfect instead of pretending that you are perfect can help you in growing healthy enough to love yourself. When you acknowledge your emotions, your lapses, and mistakes, then you will surely have to reach a higher level of self-care and self-love while eliminating toxic positivity.

To do this, you may retrace your childhood to find the best lessons in your life. Understanding every negative emotion, your lows, and the shameful words and deeds you did before but regretting now is the best way to open your heart little by little. This way, you might also be able to accept the things that caused you to close your heart before and find out how some of them might be a victim of your false understandings. Expanding your mental capacity is also another thing you can do to love yourself. Maybe you see the world differently since you saw the wrong in them.

However, if you can recall, it only worsened because you failed to notice it. So one way you can do to fix it is to learn from your past and not shutting your door anymore. This is the only way out to release yourself from the hurtful truths that have been confining you for years now. This is how you can escape from your emotional problems to be able to deal with your current emotions now.

Maybe, you closed your heart because of something that happened a long time ago, but you still have a hard time letting them go, or perhaps you just do not want to accept the truth about it. Once you learn how to accept your pain and mistakes, you will discover that too much optimism does not exist at all. If you choose to conceal your negative emotions, you are just ignoring a part of yourself, and it is not a healthy way to live yourself.

We know that growing up, you have always wanted to learn how to love yourself first. But you should know by now but we all have a dark side and it only takes honesty to yourself to accept all of that. Forgive yourself for everything that happened in the past that caused you to feel that way, and embrace the fact that you can no longer be changed what happened but you can still do better next time by learning from it. Make no room for jealousy, that way you will succeed and love yourself more.

3. Be Grateful

Be Grateful

While growing up, I refused to have toxic positivity. Instead, I looked at the negative things and learned from it, then I convinced myself that something good would happen once I understood that. Being grateful over everything that happened to you is something you can learn while growing healthy, and it can shape your mindset and attitude into a powerful one — powerful enough to teach you how to forgive and love yourself.

Scott H. Young, the author of the book “Ultralearning” said, “If you want to make any improvement in your life, you must first accept the way it is now. Don’t try to judge it and make it wrong. Don’t try to glorify it or distort the truth to make it more attractive. Just accept the way things are.”

He added that personal improvement occurs when a person acknowledges their current situation and finds pain in it. That is because extreme pain can push people to do something about it, and no matter what the ending would be, they will still learn something from it.

Harvard Medical School’s Health Publishing published “6 ways to use your mind to control pain” under Harvard Women’s Health Watch. In 2015, they listed that mind-body therapies for yourself can help you get through the pain.

“I tend to think of these techniques as similar to flavours in an ice cream store. Depending on your mood, you might want a different flavour of ice cream—or a different technique,” Dr Ellen Slawsby, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School who works with patients at the Benson-Henry Institute, said. “Practicing a combination of mind-body skills increases the effectiveness of pain relief.”

In order to prevent toxic positivity, these are the things they advised people like you to do when they want to love yourself first.

  • Take a deep breath. It has always been a technique to calm yourself down while giving yourself time to internally ask your body how it is doing. Breathing in peace and exhaling your tension and stress can help you get your body back to the rhythm.
  • Find the best relaxation response. When you are stressed, your heart rate gets faster and it puts your body on high alert. To contradict this, you should learn how to focus on deep breathing and maintaining a good oxygen level of your body.
  • Once you finish your breathing exercises, you can now start listening to more calming music that can continuously maintain your body’s good rhythm.
  • To love yourself is to offer something that will surely make your day enjoyable. You can opt to read or write stories and poetries, walk and reconnect with nature, cook your favourite dish, and more. Practising how your emotions respond when you are doing this, and that can remove toxic positivity in all aspects of your life.

Reality is neither good nor bad. There is an old Buddhist saying, “There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” To love yourself is to allow yourself to see both big and small pictures and overcoming the challenges in life.

You do not need to complain anything about your struggles because that is what can make you stronger and healthier.

And once you champion all of that, I assure you that you will feel life’s satisfaction you have always been waiting for.

Growing Healthy: How To Establish Good and Healthy Relationships

Growing Healthy: How To Establish Good and Healthy Relationships

As we grow older, we aim to have nothing but healthy relationships because these people are the ones we will spend the rest of our lives with them. To have healthy relationships mean growing healthy, so keeping them close to us is as essential as taking care of ourselves.

Just like the way you built yourself over the past years, establishing a relationship with other people can also take time if you want it to be healthy and strong.

If you have experienced failed relationships in the past, you will know how a single problem can cause a time bomb to explode, as if it is just waiting for a small mistake before a person tells you that taking a break might be the best thing than being with you.

Of course, hearing those words can hurt you. But you will know who created the lapses and who overlooked them. After all, loving someone is like riding on a seesaw — it will never work if there is no one sitting at the other end of it. It is essential to know when to pull and push, and to realize when everything is already too much. When that happens, taking a break might be the only option you should face.

We all want to avoid that and safeguard all the relationships we have. Not because we already have invested our time, efforts, and commitment to them, but because we know our lives will never be the same again once we lost them. So to keep the fire burning, we will let you know through this article how you can keep your healthy relationships without taking a break.

Before we proceed, you may try reading “How Emotional Intelligence Plays HUGE Role In healthy relationships.” In that article, more knowledge of how your emotions can prevent you from always saying goodbye when you can still save previous relationships.


  1. Make Time For Each Other
  2. Stay Connected
  3. Understand That There Is Always Ups and Downs

Make Time For Each Other

Make Time For Each Other

Time truly is something you want to invest in if you are going to experience growing healthy, and it is the same as investing it on to create healthy relationships.

Falling in love and listening to your partner are complementary ways to keep your relationship burning. Sometimes, the things you did during your first date is exciting anymore since you failed to remember how it made you feel during the first time.

Time plays a vital role in creating healthy relationships since, as we grow older, we tend to focus on working so hard to be the best versions of ourselves. We divide our time alone with our families, friends, and loved ones. But as years go by, we will find it hard to find time together again, most notably when you two are already preparing to settle down.

But it is reasonable, isn’t it? To sacrifice what you have today to have a better future together. If the two of you share the same high level of emotional intelligence, then you will surely get through this together. Growing healthy with your partner contributes to the version of you when you are growing up. As long as you understand each other’s sacrifices, then you two are still good.

Also, some couples still prefer face-to-face interaction and communication rather than virtual messaging. If you can notice, younger generations nowadays opt to talk using texts, emails, social networking sites, and other internet-related communication.

Though these are all instant, it is still essential to exchange your stories in person as it can strengthen your relationships. Using too many devices also does not have many positive impacts on yourself and the nervous system, and worst, it can lead to more severe health problems.

It is okay to exchange your “I love yous” and other sweet messages via text or voice messages, but nothing can still beat if you will express your feelings in a person. If you continue to distance yourself with this, taking a break might be your next step. This is because they no longer feel like you understand them or appreciate them, so your ending might be more likely a disconnected couple.

No matter how busy you are, taking care of each other, as well as your emotional and mental health, is essential in growing healthy together.

You can set a regular time to see each other and go on a date, or you can also have at least one day per week where you can put your electronic devices down and focus on your partners. You can also reserve a day where you can spend it on enjoying your hobbies together, or probably a simple walk to the park is already okay.

The most important thing about staying close and having healthy relationships is how you stay focus without breaking the fun. Sure, being earnest is a must, but you two still need to exchange laughs from time to time. Keeping your sense of humor can ease away your anxiety and stress, and that will surely connect the two of you more.

Stay Connected

Stay Connected

Aside from time, constant communication will help you prevent taking a break from each other. When growing up, we always feel the need to share our feelings and thoughts.

In relationships, having excellent communication brings positive emotional connection since you let your partner relate themselves to you, and they do the same in return. Practicing constant contact will work your healthy relationships through without taking a break due to the problems you are facing.

Since you are in a relationship, your partner serves as your best friend, as well.

You can tell them anything that you want to say to them, be it your worst day at work or in school, tell them about the traffic and how it got you late. You can tell them how you are craving for this and for that, or you can also inform them that your favorite Netflix series just ended. You see, being open makes healthy relationships, and that is what we want.

After all, loving someone should provide comfort and understanding to both parties to achieve goring healthy. To attain this, you must be a good listener whenever your partner has something to say. That way, you can make them feel valued while showing them that you are not just hearing them, but listening to them, as well.

Jon Kabat-Zin wrote in his book “Wherever You Go There You Are,” these are the tips to become a better listener.


  • Put yourself inside the mind of the speaker.
  • Listen for meaning.
  • Pay attention to body language.
  • Cultivate empathy.
  • Avoid making judgments.
  • Look into others’ eyes when they’re speaking.
  • Pay attention to the feelings associated with the words.
  • Notice the speaker’s tone and inflection.
  • Repeat in your own words what someone has told you (empathetic reflection).
  • Acknowledge that you’re listening by nodding or saying, “Uh-huh.”
  • Occasionally summarize others’ comments when given a chance.


But if you are too stressed to stay connected, you should let your partner know about it so you will not leave anywhere hanging. Remember, they are your partner, and whatever that is going through your mind should be known to them so that they can help you out and try to make things better for you instead of taking a break away from them.

That way, you will be calmer as you try to avoid regretting those things that will occur during your misunderstandings and conflicts.

Understand That There Is Always Ups and Downs

Understand That There Is Always Ups and Downs

healthy relationships are not a straight line, indeed. Each one of them experiences downs, and that what makes the connection between two people deeper.

Growing healthy means knowing that there is no perfect person in healthy relationships no matter how durable and robust the two people are. Each one of us has our own flaws, and it might cause us to have downtime with our partners sometimes.

Temporarily taking a break by parting ways might help you, but it is still better if you can fix it together most especially when you convince yourself that you two are a team. You will not always fall on the same page.

If you have something on your mind that stresses you, it is certain that he is experiencing the same feeling but due to different reasons, instead.

In a study conducted by Guy Bodenmann of the University of Zurich and Ashley Randall, they stated in the article “Current Opinion in Psychology” that “Stress — the physical or psychological reaction to real or imagined demands — is embedded within our social context, and can impact the ways in which we interact with others, specifically our romantic partner.

While some individuals may face increased experiences of stress due to personality traits, such as neuroticism, or mental health conditions, such as diagnosed anxiety or depression, the focus of this manuscript is to present a review of associations between stress and romantic partners’ relationship satisfaction irrespective of these individual differences.”

When growing up, you should teach yourself the fact that there are a lot of stressors surrounding even the healthy relationships so it is important to cope with stress and not vent it with your partner — though it seems like the easiest thing to do. There are healthier ways to manage your feelings, specifically your anger, stress, and frustration.

However, you should know when a solution is healthy or not so you can avoid adding more fuel to the problem. The most important thing to do here is to continue to move forward together while looking for the perfect solutions to get through the rough spots.

Remembering what you have been gone through can also help you calm down. By imagining those happy memories and thinking about your future together, you will find more courage to immediately look for a solution so you can continue growing healthy together.

Drifting apart or taking a break is never a solution here if you want your relationship to last for a long time — or forever.

When you commit mistakes, you should be humble enough to admit it and do something to fix this. Changing for the better will not hurt you. In fact, that is what makes healthy relationships stronger. Your pride has no place here if you aim to be with that person.

If you really want to spend the rest of your life with them, make sure that when growing up, you take note of the bad habits that you have and adapt some changes to improve yourself. If you need to seek someone else’s help and advice, it is alright since therapy can help you a lot.

There are some things in your relationship that, sometimes, are becoming too toxic and overwhelming to handle. There are some love experts, or even your parents, who know better and can give you a concrete answer to fix your relationship.

There is no need to be shy if you only want the best things to happen. Your downfall is your partner’s downfall, too, and you should work harder to get back up together stronger.

Remember, it is normal to have ups and downs, and you should embrace that instead of sacrificing healthy relationships by suddenly taking a break. Not all relationships are 100 percent alright all the time. You must remember that you are in a relationship with an individual, and they are still trying their best to do everything just to achieve everything by growing healthy like you.

Disagreements should never be a reason for you to quit, and it is only possible if you keep yourself to each other burning. Respect each other when you are happy, when you are sad. Respect each other’s feelings when you are angry, or when you are too tired to deal with anything else.

Remember that once you said something negative, they will remember that forever, and you cannot take them back anymore. But the most important thing to have healthy relationships is to forgive, every time, even if you think they do not deserve it.